By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2011

As scientifically and technologically progressive we are as a human race, the most important issue screaming for advancement is our current pattern of connecting and bonding with others. Statistically, 6 out of 10 marriages fail; others remain intact by supporting hidden agendas, and single people move in and out of relationships like a revolving door. There must come a time when we seek to expand our mind and our self out of conventional models of relating. Although convention need not be rejected since it is culturally/root based, the exploration of how we feel, and subsequent expansion of how we think is of greater service to us when we challenge our current views and consider healthy alternatives as we attract or invite others into our emotional environment.

Most often we think of a “relationship” in terms of romance and finding a mate. But there are other relationships we have in a lifetime: relationships defined by situations and circumstances (family, work, acquaintances) and relationships more consciously cultivated (friends and lovers). It is part of our experience to have a variety of human connections and interactions in our life; however we are prone to experience conflict between our situational relationships and those we choose. The reason is this; we usually separate our self in each relationship, acting out roles in an effort to keep us “safe” which will inhibit our natural and authentic self in the process.

Since we seem to be attracted to relationships of romance (searching for our missing half), let’s look at main components/criteria in which we currently model; then explore alternative ways to enhance our experience.

Culturally we are encouraged and often pressured to find someone to share our life with; a soul mate. The motivation is usually a push from our family to get married and have children, or propelled socially/culturally by our peers because finding a mate is “what we do”. This is troublesome because we feel pressured at a subconscious level and therefore look, seek, and search desperately for a partner. Our feeling is we “need” a mate and as a result we’re going to make unconscious choices from our familial experiences and conditioning (how our parents/caregivers connected initially, the tone of their relationship, the ideals we create about family or romance based on positive and negative experiences, social norms, etc…). All these factors come into play as we create yet another role/mask to become more attractive to our potential mate.

As common romantic scenarios go, two people meet, are physically attracted to each other (a lure for men and women alike); eyes lock, pheromones fly, smiles and gestures indicate attraction, and perhaps engaging conversation takes place. One to several dates later (maybe less) sexual intimacy seals the deal in what now qualifies as a romantic, love, and/or intimate relationship.

Interestingly enough, this is not the beginning of our romance. The relationship began when we set our intention to meet someone for this purpose: love, romance, intimacy, sex. By the time we meet someone, we are already midway through the romantic relationship process. This is because we have subconsciously or even consciously created a set of standards for this person to follow based on our story/past, our ideal, and ultimately our lie about the person we’ve chosen.

Oddly enough, a love story relationship like this can last a lifetime, a day or night time or somewhere in between. Our conventional/customary thought process accepts and supports this style of “love” relationship through multiple online dating sites, coupled with a climbing divorce rate as we change in and out of relationships like costumes in a play. Aspects of “conventional” are defined as “artificial” and “stereotype”, which engenders us to live unnaturally and continue unhealthy cycles. Conflict and contradiction plague this model of relating due to the urgency we feel in “being with someone.” How can we improve our ability to relate? Let’s try friendship.

Friendship develops when we have a natural affinity for someone. It manifests from an innate sense of knowing, likeness, and trust, exclusive of sexual or family bonds; it is foundational in truly bonding with another. We do this as very young children, energetically bonding with others absent of superficial motives. But as we grow older, the pressures of our environment (our home and peers) begin to taint and affect our innocence in connecting; and our ego drive of survival and safety replaces our natural curiosity (innocence). We then create associations based on how others can meet our needs, reinforce our addictive patterns, and “co-sign our bullshit”, instead of simply setting out to discover “who is this person?”, and better yet “who am I when I am with this person?”

Acquaintances and networks more accurately fit into a category of what others can do for us, and is not to be confused with friendship. There is an emotional bond in friendship that acquaintances lack. Acquaintances are much more functional in our life, usually linked to abilities and specialties we haven’t cultivated in this life (like doctors, lawyers, handy people, etc.) We loosely use the term “friend” in associating with others, when acquaintance is much more relevant. It is less likely that we have 150+ “friends” on social network sites; really, we have about four (4), and that’s really good!

There are those of us who have lots of friends, and those of us who have none. What defines our ability to be a friend is emotional availability, commitment, and an understanding and acceptance of our emotional body that opens us to others. Trust is perhaps the main component of friendship. If that is damaged, most friendships suffer. But trust is not encompassed in our friends, but solely within our self. We must be willing to share our true nature with others and risk the vulnerability of bonding in order to feel, deal, and heal our emotional, mental, and spiritual body. This applies to all genders.

In the minds of most men and women exists a perception that the opposite sex cannot be friends due to heterosexual attraction that seems to pervade platonic relating. Platonic relating is that of a spiritual nature. It is seeing the spiritual and ideal beauty of another transcending beyond the physical. It is true love. So, why wouldn’t we strive for platonic love? Because we’re attached to getting our needs met and through satisfying our desires. This outward striving depletes our inner reservoir of peace.

To truly move into new realms of relating, we must be willing to explore our inner workings (how we feel) and identify the current patterns of our engagement with others. Through emotional awareness, we will understand our feelings and identify what drives our decisions. From there we can make healthier choices and new friends to support our growth. Old friends and/or the opposite sex can join us in our ascent towards higher consciousness.

The adventure to bond and understand others only manifests through our own journey in discovering who we are. As we travel the vast landscape of our inner self, we will invite others to show us who we are. Whether an “ally” or “enemy”, we’ll discover that our relationships are our creations which can be redefined at any moment… and that moment is just a conscious choice away.

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292

By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2011

Emotionally bonding with others is one of the most important aspects of our human experience in a lifetime. We create relationships based upon commonality and likeness, and strive to sustain them for as long as possible. When we bond intimately on an emotional level, we often refer to it a “soul connection” and therefore deem someone our “soul mate”.

Since the basis of our connection is emotional, it is difficult to tell if what we experience is truly real or lasting. Our history and the nature of our fleeting feelings can color our choices; but if we step outside of our emotional responses, taking a look at our thoughts and motives using our rational mind, we can broaden our experience and lessen our suffering through understanding what drives us.

“Soul Mate” is a common term we use when describing a present or perspective “true love”. We refer to this individual as “the one”, with much hope and anticipation in finding or having found our perfect match. A perfect match is what we find every time we commit to relationship, but rarely is it the ideal we envision.

The ideal (our dream) is a mental image we create founded on emotion. As a result, we unknowingly overlook important lessons that our soul mate is sure to provide. If we open our self to the concept that we are souls on the planet coming in contact with one another to grow and heal, this can make our soul mate union much more significant and liberating as we thwart our ideals and become open to what naturally transpires in the relationship. It can also prevent us from rushing sexual intimacy which most often creates distractions and complexities through the emergence of old patterns; as old patterns come into play within the couple, the relationship suffers as each imposes ideals and engages in raw emotional expression (a sure path of prolonged pain in an unaware state).

Aside from our ideals, our quest for a soul mate generally begins with our longing or need for love instead of our own ability to give love. When we are longing or needing love, we are at a deficit because we do not know how to manifest love from within our self. Why? We may have come from caregivers who were unable to love themselves and therefore could not render real and healthy love towards us; we may have learned codependency which reinforced an unhealthy reliance on others to provide “love” for us, not realizing we have love within; or we may have learned that love and pain are the same. Whatever has defined love for us through our experience transcends as we become more emotionally self aware.

While we are more apt to seek out our positive traits in another, we equally or more so attract the negative aspects of our self in a Soul Mate(s); this is especially true if we are engaged in the pursuit of finding what we think we are missing. Sure enough our sense of lack will produce the darker parts of our self through a person, circumstance, or an event. Conscious and clear intention to connect with our Soul Mate(s) without any expectations, promotes a more natural path to unfold.

Most of our beliefs reflect some sense of lack or deficiency. However the only deficiency in our life is our belief that we are not whole beings. This myth supported by family, culture, and/or society, perpetuates an unhealthy and unnatural dependency that simply is not real or true. Although we are interdependent as a species, we vacillate between extreme independence and codependency when we refer to Love and our Soul Mate.

“True Love” is emotional regard, respect, and reverence. In pure form, Love has no conditions, rules, or attachments; there are no hidden charges, fees, or penalties when expressed. Love is our greatest emotional reservoir of light in our human experience, only to be overcast by our shadow (our human condition based in suffering). This is the duality of our planet/nature at this time created by fear-based thought passed down from generations. Some of us will transform our own thought process by facing our self, therefore strengthening our light and Love. Only then will we attract Soul Mates who support higher levels of consciousness and join us as positive forces on the planet through the manifestation of self love.

If real love can only come from self love, who is really in love? It appears very few. Each time we connect and choose to see what we want to believe in another, we sign up for another lesson. When do we decide to take responsibility for all of our choices that leave us with a “broken heart”? We are only the victim of our choices when they come from the hurt and unhealed part of our psyche; and as we truly must learn to love our self, this hopefully happens through the trials and tribulations of multiple relationships before the end of our lifetime.

Soul Mates are timeless, stemming from a belief system that we reincarnate over lifetimes in order to heal. If we resonate with this thought process, we will experience more than one being in this lifetime with whom we qualify as a Soul Mate. Depending on where we are on our journey, dictates the amount of time we spend with one particular person or even a group of people. As we evolve, our social circles change; we may depart from old friends/lovers and make new ones who align more with our present state of being. Higher levels of consciousness take precedence over the lower. So in our growing awareness, our encounters with others become more authentic and real.

Letting go is part of our practice, and progress. In letting go, we relinquish our false sense of control over everything outside of our self, and instead focus on our own emotional body. We liberate our self and others by untying the tethers of attachment. Unfettering our love ones occurs as we recognize that we move along the path in our own time; also that those we encounter along our journey are with us for an indeterminate time although the connection remains eternal. A soul mate encounter could be as brief as making eye contact with someone in a passing car, sharing a semester in school, or as long as lifetimes. There’s no telling and no predicting since we are responsible for our choices that direct our course.

The path and players that we meet during our lifetime represent the many stages of our passing and evolution. If we consume our self with idealism and mainstream thought about what a soul mate “should be”, we miss the reality of the moment mirrored in the people we meet and bond with at any given time (positive or negative). Opening our self to a broader view, we recognize the value of everyone in healing our self and the planet; connecting and bonding at deep levels. This creates a complete picture in its entirety and a beautiful story as well…The story of our soul in a lifetime and everyone who shares a part of their life with us.

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292

By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2010

Human beings have one of the most evolved yet complex means of communicating with each other. Written and spoken word is expressed through countless languages and dialects within our world, enhanced by non-verbal cues and physical movements that accentuate our intention when communicating in-person. It is a challenge for us to interpret and convey correct messaging when engaged in face-to-face dialogue, let alone in correspondence with others through the vast array of telecommunication tools/devices (email, text, instant messaging, internet forums, video-com, etc…). However, when we choose to learn how we personally operate, we can clarify and deepen our exchange with others through practicing conscious communication in all our interactions.

Conscious Communication is born of emotional awareness. Our self awareness is the first step to setting in motion the change we seek in our life circumstances. Our emotional awareness is the impetus that allows us to heal from the inside out and ultimately evolve from our negative patterns. Once we begin to identify how we feel, we can learn new ways of responding to repeated situations and scenarios; our style of communication manifests from recognizing that which keeps us stuck and pushing our self to do differently. For instance, if we have a quiet demeanor, our lesson may be to speak up. If we interject our words over others, we may be required to listen more intently and shut up. Either way, it is a tremendous amount of work to feel our emotions as they arise; to recognize our congenital “comfort zone”, push our self beyond it, and ultimately communicate more effectively from our higher conscience.

Feeling is our primary objective. We cannot consciously communicate without knowing how we feel and the cardinal emotion(s) that drive us to reach out to others. The technology of our age gives us the opportunity to be more in touch with one another; however all the devices at hand (literally) support an illusion of being connected as we avoid the unavoidable intensity of face-to-face dialog. We increase our friendship circles, yet as we expand we know people less. From 15, to 150, 1500, or 15,000 “friends” on the internet, we cannot fill the deficit of our emotional body unattended. Our access to others all the time, anywhere in the world, keeps us distracted from what we may experience when we are truly gadget free, dealing with our self alone, or with others in our immediate environment.

To truly communicate authentically, we must be willing to cut through the distractions of telecommunication connectivity and open our self to one-on-one personal encounters. Authenticity is possible via telecom tools, but only after we have removed our mask and shed the roles we play in our most intimate relationships (family, friends, work associates…). When we meet each other face-to-face, intentionally or not, we are promised an authentic review of our self and our emotional state. How we react or respond during each interaction indicates where we are on our path. If we have more negative encounters or exchanges than positive, then it reflects our most prevalent inner state of being. But if we are aware and working diligently to change our negative dynamics with others, then our interactions will naturally become more positive. The mirror can only be looked into face-to-face. The shift can only occur when we begin to look at the most difficult patterns of particular interactions that never seem to change; the people whom which we have been unable to resolve our feeling of pain with and whom every time we exchange dialog, is like torture.

Surrendering our preconceptions is essential to being open in a personal exchange. We inadvertently blanket our present moment experience with our past, unacknowledged issues. Assumptions are such, creating obstacles in our communication because they are based on past perceptions. This prevents new ideas and thoughts from entering our consciousness. We do not intend to bring our baggage with us, but we inherently do. Only through our self awareness can we leave our baggage behind and truly open up to our present situation. It is our experience; all we have to do is show up, be present, and become the “Samurai Warrior” of our emotions. Not an easy task! As a result, we may choose to listen more than speak until we’re more adept at identifying our feelings, even in seemingly the safest of circumstances.

Once we are accountable for our feelings, we can discern “acceptable” and “unacceptable” communication with non-judgmental awareness. Non-judgmental awareness is reverential observance, of seeing the situation “as is” without tainting the experience with our preconceived mindset. When practicing, we do not seek to condone nor chastise others for their expression, but rather look at our own involvement and whether the scenario resonates with us. By taking responsibility, we can communicate our needs more clearly and make our decisions accordingly. Without identifying how we feel first, the acceptable and the unacceptable are indefinable, leaving us without clear boundaries in our relationships which propels us further into emotionally charged exchanges or worse, suppressed and unexpressed expression where dis-ease begins to take physical form.

A neutral emotional state is our goal. When we are affected by someone in a negative or positive way, we hop onto an emotional roller-coaster that leads to suffering. How affected we are by others words or actions exposes the wounds of our self/psyche that is asking to be healed. We are ignorant of our embedded wounds until we are sick from the pain of reoccurrence. It is here that we are gifted the opportunity to dig deep into the darker side of our being and shed light on the parts we have repressed or rejected (being displayed in another or through our own acting out). We cannot effectively verbalize or communicate prior to the excavation and unearthing of our experiences and how they relate to our emotional body.

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292

By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2009

Addiction appears in the lives of every human being in many forms; some very obvious and others, very difficult to detect. Defined as “the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice and/or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming” our addictive tendency is a relentless pursuit to capture a feeling while simultaneously attempting to avoid another feeling. We try to reach our desired sensation or achieve our non-feeling through the use of substances, processes, or both. It is duplicity at its finest, and instead of capturing, we become prisoners of our own pursuit.

Substance addiction involves the use of alcohol, drugs, and chemicals to alter our state of mind, and is the more obvious reference when we identify addiction. Our society has developed recommended guidelines, rules, and laws of use regarding “controlled” substances. But, many of us have little “control” over substances or anything else for that matter. More often we blame every thing outside of ourselves for bringing us to our demise, skirting core emotional issues and behavioral “red-flags” that could otherwise indicate a tendency toward addiction.

Process addiction is much more prevalent in our society but less obvious to discern. It is “the state of being enslaved to habit or practice”; it is rooted in our thought process and can affect every aspect of our being. Why? Because it is an active part of our lifestyle which defines our normalcy and is therefore supported by others whose mode of operation is similar. Workaholics, love/relationship addicts, sex addicts, cyber/internet addicts, cell phone addicts, gamblers, food addicts, exercise addicts, codependents… are all in process addiction. “Enslaved to our habit or practice”, we seek others who support our behavior. This negative cycle becomes our normalcy, and sooner or later our normalcy becomes counterproductive to our growth. There are proven ways to break these cycles.

The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and other affiliated groups (Al-Anon, NA, SLA…) has been the most effective means of recovering from the disease of addiction since the 1930’s. Bill W. and Dr. Bob were pioneers in the recovery process as Bill W. struggled with addiction: alcoholism (substance) and depression (process). Because of the social stigma attached to being an admitted addict, anonymity has been imperative to success in recovery. But as we expand our awareness, the truth reveals that there are very few, if any, human beings unaffected by addiction. Understanding that addiction is more behavioral than physical, especially in terms of process addiction, we narrow the gap between addicts (active or recovering), enablers and codependents, and moderates. And really, there is no difference between us except for the choices we make.

Choices… the only difference between the addict and the moderate’s mind is the concentration (or compulsion) of need. Both experience a need, but the intensity level is different between the two; the addicted mind obsesses and/or acts on impulse while the moderate does not; the choices made will reflect the state of mind. In terms of codependents and addicts, there is little difference as the addict can be addicted to anything and the codependent is addicted to the addict.

We are all of this and more. We can be the addict, codependent, and the moderate and are most likely a working combo as these characteristics emerge at different times. No one escapes addiction because of this relational aspect. We cannot ignore our own potential to become a self destructive addict given this new knowledge. Anytime we are driven to pursue something beyond reasonable means or we seek instant gratification, we are in our addiction. These behaviors are socially supported with zero payment credit cards, fast food restaurants, drive-thru liquor stores, online dating…etc. No one and nothing can stop us…except our self.

Practicing emotional awareness can break through the wall that keeps us locked in the cycle of self abuse/addiction. Because our mind affords us the opportunity to “act out” and dive into the smorgasbord of vices at our disposal, we must train/retrain our mind to become aware of our emotional state, taking control from within. Without our awareness, our thoughts, feelings, and actions have a mind of their own, acting out the repetitive patterns that have been in process most of our lives.

How we feel attributes to how we act. If we feel “good”, we can be at ease in that knowing (our nature); or we try to preserve our “good” feeling through resisting and denying other feelings that are “not so good” (our disease). Tapping into our nature to feel the gamut of emotions residing within us allows us balance. When we deny our emotional body, we exile an important part of our self. We become imbalanced and subconsciously seek to find an even keel through artificial means: people, material things, situations, substances… these things can appear to work for some time, maybe a lifetime, but eventually the truth prevails and we are forced to face our self in the final moments of our existence.

With the awareness that we can master our mind, we can change the course of our thinking and therefore our actions. Our addictions can be curbed when we incorporate a healthier “process” into our being through the consistent practice of being in-touch and in-tune with our self. We are less likely to take a wild ride on an emotional rollercoaster when we recognize how we feel when triggered. Understanding how to become an objective observer of our emotions and refrain from “acting out” can be discovered and supported, with the help of those who consistently practice emotional awareness and can teach others. With consistent practice and support, we can access the “tools” we were all born with that will change our choices, and our lives. All we have to do is face the truth and choose to change.

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292

By Laura Castanza and Julia George © 2009

How do we learn to deal with the most powerful and improperly expressed energy on the planet, ANGER? This emotion resides within each one of us. Yet, we either deny its existence or use it as a primary motivating force in an attempt to manipulate situations and others to our will, never creating a desired outcome in the bigger picture. Anger unacknowledged and blindly unleashed, is toxic and destructive. But when we learn to identify its presence within us, we can channel this potent impetus positively and creatively. Anger is one of our greatest teachers, calling our attention to change and to heal at the very core of our being.

The root of anger exists deep within our emotional body. Feelings associated with anger are frustration, injustice, impatience, intolerance, and judgment…just to name a few. If we break our feelings down into either love or fear, anger lives in the realm of fear. As children, we were exposed to the fear and anger of our caregivers and society. Anger could have been the dominant energy, or suppressed in a household that openly expressed love. But because this planet is dualistic in nature, fear and love are interchangeable within our emotional body. We cannot know love without fear, peace without anger, or calm without chaos, and none of these emotional states can be experienced simultaneously.

What calls our attention to anger is its expression. In either an outward display or an internal process, our conscious control of this energy is the necessary step into transforming the destructive to the constructive. Until we become aware of the energy of anger within us, our expression will remain primitive or in the model of our familial pattern. The end result will be an illness that manifests from repressing our anger, or a violent episode that erupts from our lack of control, releasing a blanket of debris, polluting our self and our environment.

Rage is an outward expression of anger by those of us who validate our self through extreme verbal and non-verbal displays of energy. We scream, yell, throw tantrums, and physically contort our body to convey a message of displeasure. When enraged, we cannot see, hear, or sense anything else and are locked into the “red zone” like a vicious canine. Ground breaking Psychologist, Carl Jung wrote “Whatever is rejected from the self appears as an event.” Unchecked, rage turns violent as we assault our self from the inside out during extreme stress, or surrounding circumstances react with the same energy. Even if violence does not ensue, the actions transpired by rage equate to a bomb going off, resulting in irreparable harm to all involved.

A more subtle yet equally toxic expression of anger is that of the passive aggressive. Covert verbal and non-verbal communication occurs usually in softer tones, sarcasm, silence, and manipulative messaging to convey our madness to others. Unlike the immediate/impulsive nature of rage, passive aggression is a seething, simmering energy that brews inside of us for longer periods of time. When expressed, it is as intense and damaging as rage without the drama.

Another internal process of anger that is often not acknowledged is depression. Depression occurs from anger turned inward and also has a devastating effect on those in contact with it. Depression is a self-imposed prison of guilt, anguish, and isolation, resulting from insurmountable anger. There is so much unresolved anger buried so deeply that navigating out of this hell is near impossible because of our limited beliefs and emotional turmoil.

Acknowledging the energy of anger as a primary shadow character in our lives and our world, we have an opportunity to learn a great deal from this master manipulator. If we look at anger as a tree with roots, we can trace it to the very foundation of our family, culture, and society. Inequality and dominance apparent in familial roles, cultural beliefs, and societal stigmas would naturally breed anger based on inherent injustice. Ironically, this realization can be comforting as we begin to unearth this part of our self and discover we are born into our emotional issues that inevitably need healing. Moving beyond the past into the present of our adulthood is where we can make the choice to take responsibility and change our patterns. If we decline this responsibility, we compound the problem. Anger is an indicator that something needs to change…that something is us. Otherwise, we continue to shadow our world with our unhealed negative emotions.

In practicing present moment awareness, we begin to truly get in touch with the angry part of our self. Intimidating at first, we can make a monster of this molehill because the many positive qualities we encompass become over shadowed by this primary character. When not working from a place of love, anger is the alternative for most of us. The physiological addiction to anger is a reality that is sorely overlooked. The physical “rush” comes from increasing blood pressure and tension in our upper body that gives us a false sense of power and strength. Literally, the hair on the back of our neck stands up as we lean forward into aggressive posturing, attacking our bodies from the inside out. But this is not real power, and our addiction to the recreation of this sensation will ultimately compromise our wellbeing.

Since anger is a destructive force in the unconscious mind built upon years of conditioning, our conscious awareness will afford us the opportunity to use this energy wisely and creatively. Wisdom will surface from the ability to observe our feelings (including anger), without being swept away; this practice of non-judgmental awareness takes time to cultivate and is solidly supported by connecting with others who are consciously cultivating their individual emotional awareness.

Our living experience in the world, will offer us countless opportunities to show us our anger as part of our “Human Condition”. How we conduct our self with this new awareness is our choice. If we continuously react to negative energy with the like, we will overshadow the light of our being and those around us. If we embrace our anger like a caring parent (our love) tending to a crying child (our fear), then we have enormous potential to positively transform our self, our relationships, and our planet.

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292

Healing Family Dynamics
By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2009

Every year, Mothers and Fathers are celebrated on two separate, designated days in springtime where we honor two primary familial relationships; the relationship with our parents. It is at this particular time that we have the opportunity to reflect and observe exactly how far we have progressed in our own healing. By joining together “The Family” and “The Dynamics” that go along with us, as human beings, it can be an amazing arena of awareness whether we are spending time with our family members, or alone with the thoughts that arise from this annual reminder of the two main players that influenced the beginning of our lives.

Joy, sorrow, anxiety, judgment, and anger, are just a few of the many emotions traveling within our psyche when we think about reuniting with our family. Often times there are hidden memories concerning our history that haunt us, even when we’ve experienced the joy of reunion. When all of these emotions are attached to thoughts of the past, they can interrupt our peace of mind, even when we have consciously worked to resolve our emotional issues for many years.
The best part surrounding these times, is that we can take this opportunity to reach new levels of understanding when we look at the patterns that create family dynamics and work to change our reaction. It is the ticket to freedom.

Idealism is one of the “mind tricks” that interferes with our healing. Since many of us grew up in highly dysfunctional families, we may be inclined to create opposite scenarios in our current lives by attracting relationships that countered our upbringing. If we grew up in a household of substance/work addiction, neglect, and/or disorder, may now have the illusion of physically living in a pristine white-picket fence house with a sober and affectionate mate. This image can appear to be a beautiful thing; but until the core issues from our upbringing have been acknowledged and worked with, the illusion eventually unravels as negative feelings and shadow characters emerge like a tsunami when we come in contact with our family or when our “ideal” mate and closest friends exhibit any familial traits. From our idealism, we are prone to play out a variety of roles and titles. These are the name tags, labels, and the many hats we wear within our social circles, including our family.

“Father”, “Husband”, “Mother”, “Sister”, “Peacemaker”, “Jokester”, and “Fixer”, are just a few of the many identities we create. With that, comes an enormous responsibility as we painstakingly try to maintain our ideal as well as control the perceptions of others. All the acting and staging, therefore masking our true self, creates a false foundation that will crumble as our unresolved issues are destined to be revealed through our family interactions.

Projection is the final spin of this cycle. What is born from our idealism [roles and titles], now is projected back onto us. Through our own creation, we engage in a reactionary process of what others believe us to be, keeping us in a perpetual state of discord. The “You Should” and the “I am” become verbal volleys that lead to a cycle of disappointment and frustration time and time again. Most often we become overtaken by the sea of emotions and flail about like a drowning victim. We cannot possibly live up to the expectations of our self and what others believe us to be because we have yet to stop the madness and look within our self to experience who we really are. Having a well developed sense of humor can be a saving grace at times like these by detaching ourselves from our emotions and seeing the “players in the story”; the “script” can be rewritten and patterns broken.

As the Universe is benevolent and graces us with endless opportunities to heal, and our family is foundational in our being, it is important that we reach a loving place within our self in regards to them. We may not be able to reunite physically with our family, but we can forgive and cultivate healthier relationships with others around us who represent them.

The first step is to take total responsibility for our part. We can acknowledge our family of origin as part of who we are and the story of our life. With the abominable, there is also the admirable, and we have the ability to live virtuously or wickedly. It is our choice. This recognition will unchain and release our soul, giving us our deserved freedom to heal. Otherwise, we remain stuck in resentments that will keep us chained to a carousel of chaos.

When we wake up to awareness and take responsibility for our self, we open up to a vast array of choices. We can now embrace our story and move forward with a broader perspective. We will intuitively know we are not bound any further by our birth family, and it will take time to feel differently about it. All the issues we face concerning our families do not disappear, they transform.

Sometimes we must physically remove our self from people and any associated dysfunction to prompt the change. Transforming our perspective and feeling differently is a continuous process and we require solid support systems to aid in our healing. This can be found through one-on-one counseling, support groups, and within healthy relationships. Recognizing we need help is our soul’s cardinal quest and the correct venues will arise to support our spiritual path.

In pursuing this path, we may choose to include our family through the participation of family functions or graciously bow out in order to take care of our self. The only obligation we have is to our soul and its healing. We can be perceived as selfish, but in reality we are practicing self love; the only love that accepts and loves others for who they are.

Creating harmonious familial relationships begin with the delicate and dedicated care of our self. Our dedication to do so is imperative within every aspect of our life or we will continuously and subconsciously create scenarios for the exact purpose of healing these root issues.

When we decide to realize and accept that our world is made up of people who were raised by the perceptions of people who were raised by the perceptions of the people before them, and so on…, we begin to see the cycle that creates the pain, confusion and ultimately the healing of ourselves, our children and our planet. By becoming our own new and improved version of what a mother and father truly represents, we are equipped to put to rest any dysfunction and replace it with Love, Compassion, and Forgiveness. And “that” is something to celebrate!

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292eness.com

Balancing the Feminine and Masculine

By Julia George and Laura Castanza © 2009

Feminine and masculine attributes are inherent in each one of us, regardless of gender. The balance of these energies depends on how we acknowledge and express our self in terms of their aspects. Our feminine and masculine energy is most often imbalanced due to the initial stage of our developmental process, where hierarchical family roles were solidly in place. When we choose to identify the purpose and significance of feminine and masculine energy, we can create balance within and exercise these superior characteristics without.

Our journey begins at conception. In the best case scenario the connection between our mother (the feminine) and our father (the masculine) is harmonious as our soul reincarnates. Often times, it is not. The expression of that moment is the first opportunity of balance between these two intricate forces as our incarnation commences.

We are enveloped by our mother’s womb; it is the world of the soul, the internal, embodied by the feminine, the maternal, our mother. How she cares for herself and responds to the outside world (the masculine) affects us; we are part of her. Ideally, feminine energy is introspective and intuitive, expressed with nurturing warmth and kindness. Guided by the natural world, she maintains an infallible sense of well being. Her essence is love and her power comes from her source, the Universe. This is ideal.

Once we are born, we are greeted by the outside world, the masculine; matter. Embraced by our father, we come into contact with the strength and stability of masculine force. He is a protective archetype that will guide us through exploring the material world. This too, is ideal.

But there are very few instances of a harmonious union between the feminine and masculine energy as demonstrated by the current condition of our planet. If we consider our self as a soul, not just a finite person only intended to live one life, then the possibility of reincarnation and karma allows for us to change our chaotic consecution.

Karma is the result of our actions. Related to cause and effect, our actions from a previous incarnation attribute to this lifetime, positively and negatively…“What we sow, we shall reap”. The best part of this theory is we are in control of our destiny through the choices we make on a day to day basis. The worst part is that pain is part of this process as we continue to unknowingly make choices from the unhealed parts of our self. Even the greatest of prophets have had to face the most painful wounds within themselves in order to share the truth with others, setting forth a path to freedom. Enlightenment is through process, not alchemy.

When we accept this possibility, the deficits we experience in the feminine or masculine realm of our life become much more comprehensible and palatable. We are no longer a victim of circumstance, but instead, a pioneer of change. We may have had an abusive or absent mother and/or father instead of a loving one or over-nurturing parents who create equal affliction. Our external conditions created our internal portrayals, but they are not set in stone. We have the freedom to recast the characters of mother and father when we become conscious beings.

Our foundation does not define us. We are not imprisoned by our past, only by our own personal limited belief system. Every day we wake up, we have yet another opportunity to heal; to become our higher selves by lessening our suffering so we can experience the happiness we are worthy of. Mere knowledge of our dynamics cannot heal us alone; we must face our self from the core to change the way we feel. It is through this emotional thicket that we liberate our self from continued and repeated suffering.

Our first step in this process is to acknowledge our past as a part of who we are and the story of our life. In that, we begin to heal through self acceptance. Self acceptance will become our new foundation, a solid platform built on consciousness and not on the volatile sands of reaction. Our reactions are toxic to our self and those around us when they come from an arsenal of suffering. As consciousness becomes our practice, we will have the fortitude to endure the most demanding and challenging circumstances that life has to offer, and respond accordingly.

Inner child work aids in our healing if we were abused, neglected, or abandoned by our mother and/or father. Perceptually rebuilding our feminine and masculine ideals requires us to consistently work at a soul level, as there is no “work-free transformation”.

Shifting our self from victim to volunteer allows us to regain control of our life. Realizing we create situations in order to heal, again frees us to let go and move ahead. Resentments built upon our feelings of injustices as a child can taint our reality. Through addressing our anger, we truly engage in the transformation of our being.

Facing the dark and driving force of anger allows us to create the qualities we idealize in a mother and father. Everyone around us will remind us of our past and inspire us to be at higher levels through adversity as well as support. Subconsciously we invite others in to bring us closer to our true nature.

Encompassing the feminine/mother qualities of introspection and connection to the Universe can be practiced through creativity, meditation, and focused self care (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually). Cultivating our masculine qualities is essentially the outward expression of our internal manifestations. It is this balance we strive to achieve.

Harmony and balance will reside within us as our dedication to consciousness takes precedence over everyday distractions. Connecting with others who exemplify our ideals will positively reinforce our practice. If we have experienced a harmonious union between our parents, or a single stable force within our family, it is our responsibility to share this standard with others. Leading by example insures confidence and stability over loose talk. Authentically connecting supports healing and balance of the consummate Masculine/Feminine essence. It is what we profoundly desire, from the deepest depths of our soul.

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292

Creating a New Mirror
By Julia George and Laura Castanza ©2009

Personal growth manifests in many ways always involving change – changes in relationships, jobs, location, and various other circumstances that seem to “just happen” to us and around us on a daily basis.  Change, whether disruptive or desirable, is the catalyst that evokes personal growth unless we resist; but if we choose to embrace change, we evolve from our experiences, become more expansive in our thinking, reaching new levels of consciousness that in turn changes the collective.

Relationships with each other are the most growth oriented arena in our human experience.  Because we tend to be comparative in nature, often referencing each other in ways of behavior, we create a model of conduct and ideals.  The perception of our self and subsequently how we see others from our models can hone us into areas that need transformation.  To incite what could be a delightful but more often challenging experience, would be to see the world around us, especially each other, as a mirror of our self.

What does it mean to see the world around us as a mirror of our self?  If we stop for a moment and really take look at the condition of our Planet, we can see both beauty and chaos exists.  Now, if we look more deeply at the world, we can actually feel the beauty and the chaos, and therefore become subject to our emotions.  Our concentrations are the mirror, reflecting back at us the perceptions of our self (knowingly or not)…  And we either like it or we don’t.

Feelings of injustice, judgment, or hatred that might arise from various sources of outside information, call our attention to our darker nature.  Fueled by the media and other reality programming on television, we become mirrored in ways that we are most unwilling to accept.  If we consistently tap into such programming and find our self excited yet disgusted by what we see, we must evaluate our thought process and actions to subjecting our self to such information on a daily or weekly basis by asking our self, what is our fascination?  Why are we supporting negativity by tuning in?  Do we have any control over the information provided?  What is our concentration and what is our responsibility?

Our externally driven, voyeuristic tendency is a huge distraction to self awareness, stifling our personal growth.  Through this type of viewing, we become helplessly and hopelessly enmeshed in all that is going on worldwide because this information is overwhelming and scaled beyond our control.  Any feeling of peace is quickly buried in this context.

With the world at large being a huge mirror, the smaller reflections in our day-to-day life are where our growth truly manifests as well as our control.  Our occupation/job is an excellent example.  If we are a caregiver, a professional, a teacher, a laborer, or any combination thereof, we have a certain skill level that meets the physical and/or mental function of our job.  The people we work with represent the deeper level of our being, our soul, and deliver more information about our self than we could ever experience working alone.

Because our job is a fine example of all the many facets of our being, we can effectively evaluate whether or not we are feeding our soul, or settling for what feels like “security” with everything being the same day in and day out.  If our job is challenging and supportive in terms of tasks and people, then we are experiencing steady growth and balance.  This balance should also be representative in our lives outside of our job as well, but often times we are a different person when we are sharing intimacy in emotional relationships.

If our job is mundane and/or we are experiencing difficulty with our coworkers, then we have an opportunity for growth that we may or may not realize.  If we realize this opportunity, then we can change and grow towards improving; analyzing whether we need to find another occupation and/or resolve conflict with our coworkers.  If we are victimized by any of our difficulties, we too, will be supported and our suffering will continue until the mundane becomes the wake up call of change, challenging our current beliefs. When we recognize every moment and interaction as a learning experience, we grow tremendously, and so does our world.

What we positively manifest from every encounter we have with each other, is another contribution to the greater good.  As human beings, we are all the same emotionally no matter how we appear.  Those we resonate with support who we are at the time, and those we feel in conflict are the harbingers of change.  How we navigate our self within this duality affects every one involved and our “personal growth” is really not so personal at all.

Ultimately we strive for peace and harmony.  It is the very nature of our soul.  People and how we relate to one another will truly show us how we feel about our self.  It is through each person that we experience the Mirror, as our soul asks this question whether our personality is aware or not.

Bringing our awareness into this dynamic can heal us from the core.  If no thing or one bothers us, we have accepted our self fully and inner peace and harmony has been achieved (a.k.a. Enlightenment).  Can we imagine getting to this stage?  It is possible.  It takes practice and patience; it is life long.

Once we begin to mindfully practice: Acknowledging & Identifying our Emotions, Breathing, and Self Care; we can see every situation as an opportunity for personal growth.  An encounter that may repel us at first can evolve into a peaceful encounter at another time if we dedicate our self to overcoming emotional obstacles.

The Universe promises repeated opportunities if we are unable to comfortably navigate a situation at a particular time.  Everything is relative to how we feel about our self.  Our negative and positive qualities that each of us beholds are mirrored in the human condition and the events on our planet.  Without judgment, it is simply that.

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292

Integrating Fitness
By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2008

Webster’s Dictionary defines fitness as “the state or condition of being physically sound and healthy, especially as the result of exercise and proper nutrition.”  Other definitions broaden fitness to include “physical and mental well being as well as our ability to be suitably adapted to our environment.”

If we relate to fitness as possessing good health or physical condition due to diet and exercise, most of us focus on only the physical aspect = our body.  The concentration of Gyms built in the last 40 years typifies the growing need to be physically fit in our culture, and we have become consumed by an assortment of programs designed to pump us up or slim us down.  Body Building competitions, Triathlons, Marathons, extreme sports, pro sports, etc., are indicative of our obsession to be physically fit and competitively so.  But what drives us as human beings to perform at these high levels of physical activity? Is it for personal power, friendly competition, the endorphin rush, a better body image…?  When fitness is propelled by competitive sports, the “good health” aspect can get lost in what becomes an over concentration to excel or perform.  The tonality of our human vessel/body is overruled by our ego whose only goal is to be bigger, better, faster, stronger, and tougher in order to gain advantage over others.  And the glitch is that we are never satisfied with our own performance!  It is only when we choose to become aware beings and redirect our motivation, that we become healthier both physically and mentally.

When we include mental well-being into fitness, we broaden our capacity to achieve good health, but to what extent?  Is “mental well-being” derived from a scientific and quantitative approach: mental sharpness, agility and IQ (our ability to master a Rubik’s cube, Sudoku, or answer trivial questions)?  Or is mental well-being related to a more genuine understanding of how the mind works; its own cycles, conditioning, and duplicity, that triggers our emotional body and its complexity?

Mental agility, health, and fitness have more to do with our stability and balance of mind rather than trivial pursuits.  How we think and perceive our reality, consequently taking action, will define our mental fitness.  Because we largely base our decisions on how we feel and our emotional state at the time, it is necessary to become aware of this dynamic process.

Emotional awareness is vital to mental fitness.  Feelings are fleeting, and when we monitor our thought processes, we can create a healthier state of mind.  Working out our thoughts is more resistance training than attempting to bench 600lbs.  When we take on the task of being constantly aware of our mind, we can work through our imbalances and the “unfit” areas of our perceptions.

Entering the mental and emotional arena moves us beyond that which is superficial and closer to our soul.  Unlike the body we consciously relax more often (mostly through sleep), the nature of our mind never seems to rest during waking hours or in our dream state.  Often times, we physically push our self to exhaustion in an effort to distract ourselves from our own thoughts, which can be unstable at times.  There is no way out of our head, so in an attempt to become more fit mentally, we must take disciplinary action; the exact same action we take when we wish to become more physically fit.

Meditation is an excellent discipline to create balance within. There are many different techniques: guided, sitting, walking, etc.  All we have to do is commit to practice, whatever our choice in style.  The point is to become the silent observer of our thoughts and release our attachments that are responsible for our thoughtless reactions in every day life.

As for our “ability to be suitably adapted to our environment,” we often refer to it as employment; are we “fit” for a job. But applying this thought to a bigger context, we can raise the question of how well we are adapted to our environment, planet Earth.  It’s a full-time job to live, and if we are to live fully, we must live in harmony with everything around us. It takes more than mental and physical vigor to coalesce in our world, so how can we do so?

What lacks in all these definitions of fitness is that of our spiritual body.  Can there be total well-being without acknowledging the things we cannot explain – the immaterial, intangible, and incorporeal?  And what happens when we are mentally and physically compromised by injury, illness, and ultimately death; do we have the wisdom to experience a full life when our physical abilities have diminished?

Spiritual fitness is what really allows our physical and mental health to be fully integrated into our lives.  There will be times when we are incapacitated physically and/or mentally, and emotionally stuck.  These are the moments when we literally feel caught between a rock and a hard place, unable to navigate on our own.  Those moments are a living nightmare for all of us because we as humans are uncomfortable being out of control, and that is when insanity can strike those “unfit” places within our psyche.

Spirituality is essence.  It does not subscribe to any thing in particular. It is neither religion nor ritual.  It is a seed within all of us that grows from our connection to all things, including each other, and the larger natural world.  Spirituality is the acceptance of things as they are without any mental interference.

Our ignorance of our spiritual body impedes our ability to surrender to injury or illness and we miss valuable lessons when forced to stop, and instead feel victimized by our circumstances.  As we become more aware and readily surrender to things as they are, then we can receive the gift(s) we have been unable to accept before.  These are our “Ah Ha!” moments and bursts of brilliance, innate within all of us, which magically appear when we open our self to the benevolence of the Universe.

Our natural evolution and growing shift in our consciousness demands that our lives have more meaning and depth; or we will remain perpetually dissatisfied despite a body as tight as a drum and a mind as sharp as a tack.

By expounding our definition of fitness to include these concomitant qualities of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being, we are able to live more fully and affect our environment in a positive and enduring way; a process beyond self gratification; fulfilling our lives and our soul purpose here on Earth.

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292

Healthy Relationships = Healthy Planet
by Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2008

Relationships are the single most important element of our human experience.  How we relate to our self and each other is essentially our primary purpose.  Think about it; we are born to one another, and we often die with one another, and the time spent in between life and death is most often shared with others.  It is the relationships we create during our life that will leave the essence of our being, contained as a memory, once we are gone.

So in this “Earth School”, we are relative to every thing.  Some leading world religions also follow this paradigm, encompassing their belief system around a connection with all.  However, despite the presence of such religious structures that cherish and honor every thing as equal, it is unfortunate that the majority of human beings do not truly feel this way, continuing to create alienation between one another and connections primarily based on unhealthy conditioned/foundational beliefs.

Separating our self from nature and other humans is indeed more common place; it is an attitude that currently plagues our planet.  Somehow and somewhere in our making as children, we became more and more isolated from our self and our environment, as our peers and family reinforce this separation due to their own fears.  The culprit, FEAR, handed down from generation to generation in both science and religion, has continuously illustrated our differences [ex. genus, species, race, sex, nationality, etc], which creates more separation with little resolve.

But this is not reality.  We are all composed of the same matter, and as human beings, we are also comprised of the same emotional body including: love, fear, joy, sorrow, happiness, despair, excitement, laziness, judgment etc.  And as we implicate our emotions into matter and each other, we add a complete twist to our experiences.  If you don’t think this is true, just think about all the things you bind/attach your self emotionally to, such as people, places, and things, and consider what they mean to you.   Make a list.

So everything on your list is what you “relate” to somehow.  The people may consist of family, friends, lover; places may be your home town, vacation spots, or your place of business; things may be your home, garden, car, boat, etc.  How you relate to every thing ultimately gauges how healthy you relate to the world.  It is your attachment to all the above that will determine your happiness or misery when all is lost or dead.

But before we go there, we must understand that we consciously seek out the people, places, and things that “make” us feel good; and by doing so, we begin to create an illusion of our own well being.  Why?  Because this quest is external. {It is also important to understand that at an unconscious or subconscious level we seek out the necessary experiences in our lives to help us grow and heal.}  Looking for happiness from the outside, we actually hold all the things around us responsible for OUR happiness.  This thought process couldn’t be further from the truth, and will inevitably lead us to a life unfulfilled.

In reality, happiness, contentment, inner peace, and well being can only manifest from the inside out.  Without the foundation to feel whole within our self, our quest for happiness through external means is as unquenchable as drinking sea water.  We’re left spiritually starving if our beliefs carry us away from cultivating true peace within.  Whether or not we had a strong foundation of self awareness growing up, we CAN learn to become whole no matter what age we are presently.
Discovering the truth is your life purpose.  Truth is derived only from your own self inquiry that creates experiences that will ultimately lead you to becoming a positive and contributing force on the planet.  This journey involves every one and every thing on Earth; and it revolves around our relationships.  If we choose, we may attract people that support the old ways of thinking inherent in our family, OR we may attract those more progressive through our own initiation to embark on a journey towards truth.

The path is met with both acceptance and resistance; and there will be both past and present characters (people) who exhibit the qualities we are working to become as well as the ones that are old and outdated.  Life will present this type of fork in the road repeatedly, prompting more questions about who we really are.  Each answer changes the course of our path subtly or drastically and is often met w/ some resistance with those who have known us for a long time.  Perseverance takes us out of the familiar comfort zone (although it is usually a dull pain we’ve endured for years), the illusion of safety, and thrusts us into the river of Life.  And although amazing, it is not easily actualized.  It requires all the effort we’ve ever put forth into anything in our lives, and must be consistently maintained or we risk falling into the abyss of illusion once again.

Once we embark on a soul journey that goes beyond the limits of our past beliefs, we will find the support systems in place to encourage and assist us on our path.  All we have to do is show up and dedicate our self to the process.

For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292