By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2010
Human beings have one of the most evolved yet complex means of communicating with each other. Written and spoken word is expressed through countless languages and dialects within our world, enhanced by non-verbal cues and physical movements that accentuate our intention when communicating in-person. It is a challenge for us to interpret and convey correct messaging when engaged in face-to-face dialogue, let alone in correspondence with others through the vast array of telecommunication tools/devices (email, text, instant messaging, internet forums, video-com, etc…). However, when we choose to learn how we personally operate, we can clarify and deepen our exchange with others through practicing conscious communication in all our interactions.
Conscious Communication is born of emotional awareness. Our self awareness is the first step to setting in motion the change we seek in our life circumstances. Our emotional awareness is the impetus that allows us to heal from the inside out and ultimately evolve from our negative patterns. Once we begin to identify how we feel, we can learn new ways of responding to repeated situations and scenarios; our style of communication manifests from recognizing that which keeps us stuck and pushing our self to do differently. For instance, if we have a quiet demeanor, our lesson may be to speak up. If we interject our words over others, we may be required to listen more intently and shut up. Either way, it is a tremendous amount of work to feel our emotions as they arise; to recognize our congenital “comfort zone”, push our self beyond it, and ultimately communicate more effectively from our higher conscience.
Feeling is our primary objective. We cannot consciously communicate without knowing how we feel and the cardinal emotion(s) that drive us to reach out to others. The technology of our age gives us the opportunity to be more in touch with one another; however all the devices at hand (literally) support an illusion of being connected as we avoid the unavoidable intensity of face-to-face dialog. We increase our friendship circles, yet as we expand we know people less. From 15, to 150, 1500, or 15,000 “friends” on the internet, we cannot fill the deficit of our emotional body unattended. Our access to others all the time, anywhere in the world, keeps us distracted from what we may experience when we are truly gadget free, dealing with our self alone, or with others in our immediate environment.
To truly communicate authentically, we must be willing to cut through the distractions of telecommunication connectivity and open our self to one-on-one personal encounters. Authenticity is possible via telecom tools, but only after we have removed our mask and shed the roles we play in our most intimate relationships (family, friends, work associates…). When we meet each other face-to-face, intentionally or not, we are promised an authentic review of our self and our emotional state. How we react or respond during each interaction indicates where we are on our path. If we have more negative encounters or exchanges than positive, then it reflects our most prevalent inner state of being. But if we are aware and working diligently to change our negative dynamics with others, then our interactions will naturally become more positive. The mirror can only be looked into face-to-face. The shift can only occur when we begin to look at the most difficult patterns of particular interactions that never seem to change; the people whom which we have been unable to resolve our feeling of pain with and whom every time we exchange dialog, is like torture.
Surrendering our preconceptions is essential to being open in a personal exchange. We inadvertently blanket our present moment experience with our past, unacknowledged issues. Assumptions are such, creating obstacles in our communication because they are based on past perceptions. This prevents new ideas and thoughts from entering our consciousness. We do not intend to bring our baggage with us, but we inherently do. Only through our self awareness can we leave our baggage behind and truly open up to our present situation. It is our experience; all we have to do is show up, be present, and become the “Samurai Warrior” of our emotions. Not an easy task! As a result, we may choose to listen more than speak until we’re more adept at identifying our feelings, even in seemingly the safest of circumstances.
Once we are accountable for our feelings, we can discern “acceptable” and “unacceptable” communication with non-judgmental awareness. Non-judgmental awareness is reverential observance, of seeing the situation “as is” without tainting the experience with our preconceived mindset. When practicing, we do not seek to condone nor chastise others for their expression, but rather look at our own involvement and whether the scenario resonates with us. By taking responsibility, we can communicate our needs more clearly and make our decisions accordingly. Without identifying how we feel first, the acceptable and the unacceptable are indefinable, leaving us without clear boundaries in our relationships which propels us further into emotionally charged exchanges or worse, suppressed and unexpressed expression where dis-ease begins to take physical form.
A neutral emotional state is our goal. When we are affected by someone in a negative or positive way, we hop onto an emotional roller-coaster that leads to suffering. How affected we are by others words or actions exposes the wounds of our self/psyche that is asking to be healed. We are ignorant of our embedded wounds until we are sick from the pain of reoccurrence. It is here that we are gifted the opportunity to dig deep into the darker side of our being and shed light on the parts we have repressed or rejected (being displayed in another or through our own acting out). We cannot effectively verbalize or communicate prior to the excavation and unearthing of our experiences and how they relate to our emotional body.
For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292