By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2015
Society and culture create the canvas of our larger belief systems and protocol in relating with one another. Family dynamics paint a detailed picture of how we relate more intimately. Partnerships are intimate relationships we develop for business, friendship, companionship, and procreation. This one-on-one arena is truly designed for deep healing at a soul level. We may quantify a partnership as a success or failure; but spiritually, these relationships teach us valuable lessons. When we partner, consciously or not, it is the perfect partner for the time and always intended as growth in terms of what we learn about our self.
As social animals, the primitive instinctual calling to partner or mate is natural. We have evolved and become a more intelligent species. Our consciousness has expanded and challenged the ways of the past. The need to procreate is now more of a choice for humankind. If we cannot procreate naturally, there are alternative methods and also ways to prevent conception. If we have evolved beyond the biological level to procreate, what is the driving mechanism to partner?
Partnering is normal, but mainstream society creates an illusion regarding our wants and needs. Wants are cravings and desires based in our mind. Needs are the basics for survival as a species. We have confused the two and the core of how we relate is the casualty. The internet has countless sites to meet all of our desires to partner through dating to find “the one” or pacify our sexual urges through casual encounters or voyeuristic engagement (porn). Meanwhile, society has promoted a “happily ever after” storybook, picturesque life. Mostly, we are in denial of our subconscious side or completely ignorant of the influence it has in attracting others. This influence creates conflict in relationships illustrated by the increasing divorce rate, domestic disputes and abuse. We are such an intelligent species, yet we are hugely unaware, resorting to a primitive approach in meeting our wants and needs. To resolve this inner conflict we must integrate our core needs with our wants.
Intelligence is only one quarter of our composition. The other three consist of physical, emotional, and spiritual. The physical is our body, the vessel of mobility in this life. Our emotions allow us to feel and associate sensation with experience, and the spiritual connects us to all that is greater in this world. Our problem is our lack of interconnectedness. Due to this disconnect, we create a significant imbalance. The balance of wholeness requires us to heal, allowing us to relate to others in a more authentic and healthier way. Our relationships are the microcosm of all the healing needed in the world.
The ability to see our self and begin the process of healing usually happens when we are sick from our conflicted relationships and begin taking responsibility for manifesting and participating.
If we apply a portion of the same energy to the exploration of our self, we are certain to transform the repeated patterns that developed in our formative years negatively affecting our life today. This is not a solo endeavor. We must work with our self through others, in partnership. When we partner, we commit to diving deeper within. If this awareness is not shared, the relationship is imbalanced from the start. Getting to know each other at a friendship level is optimal because the only commitment is the time it takes to see the other progressively without additional responsibilities (like financial, emotional, and physical…which still can happen but is not often assumed in the beginning). Even a “casual” friendship reveals family aspects/traits that define our attraction to it, all because of our story.
In our formative years, our story develops and involves adults relating to one another in many ways, most of which are not healthy (codependency, addiction, abuse…). Our family of origin is our first encounter to intimate relating, yet not in pure form. This becomes our style of relating even if we work diligently not to repeat the past. Because familial patterns are so engrained, it takes a consistent level of consciousness with every word, touch, and feeling within to counter our reactions and not act out past negative patterns or roles. A tacit agreement begins between souls as we reinforce the relationship negatively.
Relationships based from the unconscious are not healthy or progressive. Unless we identify why we are with someone from the beginning, we are headed down a dark road of deceit. Deceit is the lie we tell our self to justify why we are with someone, making the relationship work when there is strong indication that negative patterns are the basis for the bond. For instance, we may play out a role in a relationship where we seek to mold others to our ideals by trying to curb others behaviors, appearance, and perspective to our own. We unconsciously engage in a power struggle to overpower others with our beliefs, not aware that we are seeking to have our needs met through them. It is a subconscious pattern that can be changed, but unless we are consciously working on our self (health and healing), we are perpetuating problems by participating.
Our participation can turn positive when we integrate a level of awareness, and conscious communication into our relationships. If a relationship began in unawareness, it will be a hard lesson learned or not. It requires the commitment of each person independently to turn a relationship around. We can agree as a couple to heal, but each person must resolve his/her own internal issues before a positive partnership can truly occur. This takes acceptance, time, and effort. As the light of awareness shines onto what the relationship represents, our acceptance and love for its creation is what heals. We created it for our growth and healing. There is no one to blame and nothing more to it. It grows or it goes.
If we perceive a relationship to be the impetus to healing, we can manifest true love for our self, others, and the process required to heal. We lose patience for the process due to the need for instant gratification! This facilitates the lazy part of our self and will create the same play with different players. “Anything worth doing is worth waiting for…Patience is a virtue…With experience comes wisdom…” All the anecdotes are only true when we put them into action, and practice living in the light of awareness.
We will have the relationship we want by being our true self. Finding out who we are is our responsibility. Our authenticity or lack thereof will attract the perfect partner even if painful. When we view life as our creation, we can refine our choices with every breath we take, in every situation. Conscious effort is most difficult because we are constantly enmeshed in what is happening outside of our self and the subconscious is making our choices unbeknownst to us. There is no down time, except when we are sleeping (maybe). The best part is that our work is our reward. Our relationships become more real, fulfilling, loving, and liberating. The freedom we give our self is felt by others, and if others are doing the work, it’s fun! If others are attracted, but do not do the work, then it will be taxing to our soul. We must keep moving forward taking no prisoners. Everyone has the same opportunity, we just have to wake up, and take action to heal.
For more information or to discuss this topic, contact Julia George / AquarianAge at 561.750.9292 www.AquarianAgeAwareness.com