By Laura Castanza and Julia George ©2011
Emotionally bonding with others is one of the most important aspects of our human experience in a lifetime. We create relationships based upon commonality and likeness, and strive to sustain them for as long as possible. When we bond intimately on an emotional level, we often refer to it a “soul connection” and therefore deem someone our “soul mate”.
Since the basis of our connection is emotional, it is difficult to tell if what we experience is truly real or lasting. Our history and the nature of our fleeting feelings can color our choices; but if we step outside of our emotional responses, taking a look at our thoughts and motives using our rational mind, we can broaden our experience and lessen our suffering through understanding what drives us.
“Soul Mate” is a common term we use when describing a present or perspective “true love”. We refer to this individual as “the one”, with much hope and anticipation in finding or having found our perfect match. A perfect match is what we find every time we commit to relationship, but rarely is it the ideal we envision.
The ideal (our dream) is a mental image we create founded on emotion. As a result, we unknowingly overlook important lessons that our soul mate is sure to provide. If we open our self to the concept that we are souls on the planet coming in contact with one another to grow and heal, this can make our soul mate union much more significant and liberating as we thwart our ideals and become open to what naturally transpires in the relationship. It can also prevent us from rushing sexual intimacy which most often creates distractions and complexities through the emergence of old patterns; as old patterns come into play within the couple, the relationship suffers as each imposes ideals and engages in raw emotional expression (a sure path of prolonged pain in an unaware state).
Aside from our ideals, our quest for a soul mate generally begins with our longing or need for love instead of our own ability to give love. When we are longing or needing love, we are at a deficit because we do not know how to manifest love from within our self. Why? We may have come from caregivers who were unable to love themselves and therefore could not render real and healthy love towards us; we may have learned codependency which reinforced an unhealthy reliance on others to provide “love” for us, not realizing we have love within; or we may have learned that love and pain are the same. Whatever has defined love for us through our experience transcends as we become more emotionally self aware.
While we are more apt to seek out our positive traits in another, we equally or more so attract the negative aspects of our self in a Soul Mate(s); this is especially true if we are engaged in the pursuit of finding what we think we are missing. Sure enough our sense of lack will produce the darker parts of our self through a person, circumstance, or an event. Conscious and clear intention to connect with our Soul Mate(s) without any expectations, promotes a more natural path to unfold.
Most of our beliefs reflect some sense of lack or deficiency. However the only deficiency in our life is our belief that we are not whole beings. This myth supported by family, culture, and/or society, perpetuates an unhealthy and unnatural dependency that simply is not real or true. Although we are interdependent as a species, we vacillate between extreme independence and codependency when we refer to Love and our Soul Mate.
“True Love” is emotional regard, respect, and reverence. In pure form, Love has no conditions, rules, or attachments; there are no hidden charges, fees, or penalties when expressed. Love is our greatest emotional reservoir of light in our human experience, only to be overcast by our shadow (our human condition based in suffering). This is the duality of our planet/nature at this time created by fear-based thought passed down from generations. Some of us will transform our own thought process by facing our self, therefore strengthening our light and Love. Only then will we attract Soul Mates who support higher levels of consciousness and join us as positive forces on the planet through the manifestation of self love.
If real love can only come from self love, who is really in love? It appears very few. Each time we connect and choose to see what we want to believe in another, we sign up for another lesson. When do we decide to take responsibility for all of our choices that leave us with a “broken heart”? We are only the victim of our choices when they come from the hurt and unhealed part of our psyche; and as we truly must learn to love our self, this hopefully happens through the trials and tribulations of multiple relationships before the end of our lifetime.
Soul Mates are timeless, stemming from a belief system that we reincarnate over lifetimes in order to heal. If we resonate with this thought process, we will experience more than one being in this lifetime with whom we qualify as a Soul Mate. Depending on where we are on our journey, dictates the amount of time we spend with one particular person or even a group of people. As we evolve, our social circles change; we may depart from old friends/lovers and make new ones who align more with our present state of being. Higher levels of consciousness take precedence over the lower. So in our growing awareness, our encounters with others become more authentic and real.
Letting go is part of our practice, and progress. In letting go, we relinquish our false sense of control over everything outside of our self, and instead focus on our own emotional body. We liberate our self and others by untying the tethers of attachment. Unfettering our love ones occurs as we recognize that we move along the path in our own time; also that those we encounter along our journey are with us for an indeterminate time although the connection remains eternal. A soul mate encounter could be as brief as making eye contact with someone in a passing car, sharing a semester in school, or as long as lifetimes. There’s no telling and no predicting since we are responsible for our choices that direct our course.
The path and players that we meet during our lifetime represent the many stages of our passing and evolution. If we consume our self with idealism and mainstream thought about what a soul mate “should be”, we miss the reality of the moment mirrored in the people we meet and bond with at any given time (positive or negative). Opening our self to a broader view, we recognize the value of everyone in healing our self and the planet; connecting and bonding at deep levels. This creates a complete picture in its entirety and a beautiful story as well…The story of our soul in a lifetime and everyone who shares a part of their life with us.
For more information or to discuss this article one-on-one, contact Julia George/Aquarian Age @ 561.750.9292